I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
