i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
