I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
