Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
