I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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