are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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