Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
