so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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