I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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