true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
