I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize