Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
