i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
