I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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