Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
