Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
