I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
