I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
