Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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