Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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