I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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