you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
