he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
