I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
