I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
