She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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