mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
