Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
