those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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