Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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