Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
