The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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