SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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