I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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