Moan for me like Helen Keller
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
