You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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