I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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