So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
