pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
