I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
