question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
