I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
