Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
