I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
