I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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