remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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