She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize