just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
