I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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