i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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