11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
high people should be assigned attendants
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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