You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
