as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
