My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
