How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
