i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
