member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
