I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
