If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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