Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
