so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
