hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
