got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to calm my uterus...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
