Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize