it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
