So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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