We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
