guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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