it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
