Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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