You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
