i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want her autograph on my taint
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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